Regarding parenthood, Neil Patrick Harris explains why he doesn’t know which twin is biologically his.

Neil Patrick Harris, the popular actor of How I Met Your Mother and Doogie Howser, M.D., has never been secretive about his personal life. Together with his husband, David Burtka, Harris has created a warm and loving home for their twins, Gideon and Harper. One thing, though, about their parenting experience has raised eyebrows: their choice not to know who is biologically connected to which father.

A Unconventional Family Approach

Harris and Burtka brought their fraternal twins into the world in 2010 through surrogacy. The two used an egg donor and both contributed sperm, with the fertilized embryos transferred to a surrogate. This leaves one of the twins biologically connected to Harris and the other to Burtka, yet the couple has deliberately never specified which child has DNA with which parent.

This choice stems from their conviction that genetics do not constitute a family. Harris has made it clear that he believes fatherhood is love, care, and commitment, not biological ties. “We are their parents, and I love them implicitly,” he once said, affirming his stance that parenthood goes beyond genetics.

Prioritizing Love Over Biology

For most parents, biological heritage is a natural question, but not so for Harris and Burtka. By not knowing, they reinforce an equal, unqualified love for both children. This reinforces a sense of oneness in the family, with no unconscious biases or variations in how they connect to their children.

Their philosophy sheds light on a larger discussion about what constitutes a family. Old-school definitions tend to focus on blood, but Harris and Burtka’s way of doing things points out that parenting is about caring for, educating, and being there for a child’s milestones.

Raising Gideon and Harper

Gideon and Harper, now teenagers, have spent their lives growing up in a world that appreciates individuality but also upholds the message that they are just as loved. Their parents’ choice leaves them growing up without knowledge of genetic disparities but rather on the common experiences that make them a family.

The pair frequently provides a glimpse of their parenting process, demonstrating the importance of spending quality time together, traditions, and creativity. Their Halloween costume tradition, dressing up as one big family in elaborate costumes every year, is a social media hit, where they display unity and a desire for fun. It is apparent that the priority in their family is joy and not biological.

A Public Figure’s Private Choice

As celebrities, Harris and Burtka’s decision to keep genetic information about their children under wraps has been talked about. Some may wonder whether the children themselves will wish to know in the future. Harris has conceded this may be the case but feels that the choice will be theirs to make when they become adults. Until then, the couple is sticking with a parenting philosophy that puts love and support first.

Their honesty about their experience also facilitates a wider cultural change. Numerous contemporary families are formed through surrogacy, adoption, and other unconventional practices. Through sharing their viewpoint, Harris and Burtka bring into view a diverse range of family forms and prove that all that really counts is the connection between parent and child.

The Science Behind Their Decision

From a scientific perspective, it would be comparatively easy to establish which twin was connected with which father using genetic testing. Yet Harris and Burtka have opted out of this knowledge altogether. The move is in keeping with a trend in parenting that values the emotional bond between parents and child above the natural connection.

This view comes in line with most psychological research that indicates that a child’s happiness is better associated with the quality of involvement by parents as opposed to biology. Harris and Burtka’s participative approach to parenting—where they both take part in their kids’ lives—is a testament to this belief.

Breaking Away from Conventional Family Standards

The entertainment industry has seen many celebrity parents embracing non-traditional family structures. Harris and Burtka’s approach challenges long-standing societal norms that place heavy emphasis on biological connections. Their decision not to know their children’s genetic origins is a testament to the evolving definition of family in the modern world.

Their decision also speaks to same-sex couples, adoptive parents, and stepfamilies who become parents without biological connections. By telling their story, they provide representation and legitimacy to those who create families in non-traditional manners.

Looking Ahead

As Gideon and Harper get older, they might eventually decide to learn more about their genetic heritage. Harris and Burtka have said that they would stand behind their children in whatever decision they make about this information. But for the moment, attention is on letting their twins grow up surrounded by love, care, and unconditional support.

Finally, Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka’s choice is a testament to the fact that love is the real building block of family. Their tale is a call for expanded notions of parenthood, where devotion and dedication take precedence over the importance of DNA. In a world in which family is multi-faceted, their experience is an encouraging model of what it is to be a parent—unconditionally, without boundaries, and without the notion of defining love in terms of genetics.